Asked and Answered

One of the very first tools that was effective for my boy was suggested by his art therapist. Does this sound familiar: you are having a great day when you pass the THING. That THING your child always wants. Be it food, the park, gum, or TV- you almost certainly WILL hear about the THING… about 30 times. The conversation typically sounds like this:

Child: THING! Can we do/ I have THING?

Parent: No, honey, we have to/you just ________.

Child: But I want to do/ have THING!

Parent: I already told you that we have to/you just ______.

*Repeat prior dialogue X number of times in increasing levels of frustration (and likely, volume) until child is screaming and/or crying, and parent wants to as well.

Asked and Answered was a wonderful solution to this problem for my family. It took me a while to remember to say it quickly, but as soon as I started, I felt much more empowered and relaxed when my child wanted something. Following the suggestion of his art therapist, I had a meeting and told him that when he asked a question repeatedly, he would receive this response. After the first time of answering calmly, I repeat my answer up to one time. After the second time, I only answer with three words: “Asked and answered.” I do not give any more explanation or reasoning. I pretend I am a wall with these words written on me.

My boy hates Asked and Answered (the passion in that hatred is slowly fading now, after 7 years of hearing the words…). Sometimes, when he goes through a bad phase and those specific words set him off, I change the wording a little bit. “You need to accept my decision,” and “I already answered that,” have also been successful. However, after several times of not being able to break my calm, or drag me into a discussion or debate, he repeated his requests less and less frequently.

This short and matter-of-fact reply has saved me many an argument. It has also allowed me to feel more in control without having to fight for it. Not to mention what it has saved me in frustration and money from when I would finally give in just to have peace and quiet. I hope that Asked and Answered becomes a helpful staple for your family, too!

Disclaimer: The author is not a professional in child rearing, psychology, therapy, coaching, or any other field discussed. The information provided is strictly written in good faith sharing the author’s private experience, not personal advise for readers. Any use of any information provided is at your own risk with no guarantee that readers will have the same results as are shared by the author, either negative or positive. Caregiverskeeper.family.blog and affiliates will not be held responsible for any consequences of use of any information provided. You can see more on the disclaimer page from the site’s home menu.